Sex not just enjoyment – Ara The Drummer

Aralola Olamuyiwa (Singer and entertainer)

Nigerian drummer and musician Aralola Olamuyiwa The Drummer recently shared her thoughts on relationships and personal boundaries, explaining that sex is about much more than just physical pleasure—it's a deep emotional connection.

Speaking on the Under Her Skin podcast, Ara noted that people often underestimate how powerful intimacy is, and how much access it genuinely gives someone else into your life.

“Sex is not just enjoyment; it’s literally just putting your life’s plan in somebody’s hands,” she said.

The drummer compared sexual intimacy to sharing private information, adding: “You don’t give someone the PIN to your ATM card or the password to your email. When you sleep with someone, they can access you.”

Ara further explained that, in her view, intimacy forms a deep bond between individuals.

“You are giving them the code to your spirit, to your realm, and they can do and undo with you,” she said.

When thinking about why people set certain boundaries around physical intimacy, she wondered why some women make specific rules or statements about what kind of touching is allowed.

“Why do you think some girls say things like, ‘Unless you didn’t touch my breast’? Why do you think they say those kinds of things? It’s deep,” Ara stated.

She also pointed out that regardless of what people call it, intimacy inherently bonds two people together.

“Some people would say, ‘I didn’t touch the breast, I only entered from behind,’ but you still entered. Once you give someone that access, they can summon you; they can do anything to you.”

The veteran drummer also admitted that her own experiences have shaped how she views relationships.

“I have fallen many times because I laid with the wrong person,” she revealed.